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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in temet nosce's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, February 21st, 2017
11:05 pm
I feel like I'm close with this song, just want to go through it again before bed. Drawing inspiration from Psalm 39:

Born the forlorn son of man, a child shaking from the womb
and the scorn of a fool.
Deliver me from my kind and the emptiness that falls
like a fog/rain on us all.

As time rolls on, I feel my life pass me by.

You were a friend, I admit that I did not reciprocate;
while you make love, I notate.

(4th verse needs work)
Through every room, every house, every sprawling neighborhood
I have written myself mute.


Remember me as I come before I split myself in two
to make room for an/my/our alibi.
Friday, February 17th, 2017
1:49 am
celebrity struggles.
Since finishing "A Stellar Man" my next task has been to finish lyrics to the song which I've tentatively called "In Celebrity", which I am planning to be song #2 on the album and see as something of a sister song to "A Stellar Man". I came up with the music for the song in fall of '97, and the lyrics for the pre-chorus and chorus manifested themselves then, but I could never work out lyrics for the six verse lines. I feel like this song is the last major hurdle and the rest of the songs will come a little more easily, but I could be wrong. Once I have this song figured out, I will deal with the remaining three songs for the album simultaneously instead of the one-song-at-a-time approach I've been doing.

The song I feel deals with feeling empathy and seeing truth amid a species that acts not ready for it or perhaps subconsciously chooses the comfort of ignorance; struggling with wanting to make a difference, but finding your words falling on deaf ears and realizing that your efforts are not enough and require deeper sacrifice and introspection. Coming to terms with your own ego and realizing you are subject to the same mistakes regardless of how smart you think you are.

(some verses I like)
Born the forlorn son of man, a child shaking from the womb
and the scorn of a fool
Deliver me from my kind and from the shallows of my heart
to impart my last stand
Remember me as I came before I split myself in two
to make room for our alibis

as time rolls on
I feel my life pass me by
spinning words 'round me
in celebrity
in which I now sigh
but now you see me I've grown pacified
by my own sins
and this world akin
Monday, February 6th, 2017
11:12 pm
I haven't felt compelled to need to journal lately. I may have already mentioned this and gone into more detail. I've been sick the last few days; haven't been exercising, and two nights in a row (Wed & Thurs night I stayed up past midnight; past 1am one night), and the following day my throat felt a little weird. Saturday and Sunday had a headache resulting from head pressure. Today it seems to have localized in my sinuses. I'm hoping it's the allergy I seem to get every February. Last year it only lasted a week, but it usually manifests later in the month. C & K arrived with perhaps the same cold, and I may have picked it up from them, which would suck because it would mean I still need to deal with the annual allergy.

Consistency. If you want to get better at something, to improve your life, you have to work at it a little each day, and this is where I have dropped the ball most of my life. With C & K now, it's going to be hard to find the time to correct this. I feel like the past couple of years I've been doing well at simplifying my life, but all that extra time per day I've accumulated is spent on taking care of C & K. Not that I was managing my extra time wisely beforehand, just searching for new addictions.

I want to get in shape, grow some muscle, and that requires a little exercise a day. I want to finish songs and get a little music "career" going, and that requires a little writing and/or recording each day. It would help me so much if I could quit my job, but I don't see that happening for several years.
Saturday, January 28th, 2017
12:14 am
a stellar man.
I don't think it's very fruitful to be journaling when it's already well past my bedtime, but here goes.

I finished writing a song about a week ago that I have had tabled since 1999 and wasn't able to write verse lyrics to that I was happy with until now. Today I recorded a video performance of it and posted it; I'll copy the back story I posted with that video below here.

In writing the back story I realize that I am still immature in some ways, and I'm not sure if I've really matured, at least completely, since the events my freshman year in college. I've lived a very safe life, which has been to a detriment, I think. I need to finish writing lyrics to the four songs that need completed for the album I've been planning to recorded for ten years are so, tentatively called Hymnal.

I finished reading The Stellar Man today. It's hard to know how seriously to take it, or more specifically how literal to take it. It speaks to me in many ways; I feel like it describes me. And yet sometimes I wonder if everyone is at a higher consciousness already and this life is just a big exercise in order to get me there. Silly to think. The book gives me solace. It talks about only helping those that merit it, that by helping those that do not merit it, you absorb their karma and it hurts you, Jesus being the extreme example. But I'm not in a position to help anyone yet.

Back story to "A Stellar Man", formerly "We'll See The End":

This is a song that originated back in the fall of 1999. It was my first semester in college (now the University of Mary Washington, back then Mary Washington College). My friend Tim had shown me the chord progression that backs the verse, which he says was passed to him by his friend Clay. I specifically remember working out the rest (chorus progression, intro, and outro) of the song while staying overnight at the house of a drummer with whom I was in a band at the time, after everyone had gone to bed. That band only lasted that semester, because I was a self-absorbed asshole and still very immature (hell, I still may be as I haven't been in a band since).

The chorus lyrics manifested themselves as I wrote the music, but I had trouble making sense of them. I'm not 100% certain, but the very first line ("...the worst creation...") may have manifested itself then too, because I've had that for as long as I can remember. I tried off and on to finish the verses over the years but was never happy with what I came up with, so the song was shelved for a very long time.

As part of my current journey toward self-love and self-discovery, I've decided to finish the songs of my past that I've felt deserve a chance to be listened to by others, to give back what I feel music has given to me, that I've left collecting dust on the shelves of my mind -- and ultimately to finish the album I've had planned out for over a decade. (This song was not one I planned to have on the album, but I owed it to Tim and myself to finish it.)

All that said I'm happy to say I've finally written lyrics to this song that I am content with, and can finally put it to bed, as they say. The verses were inspired my recent studies of hermetic philosophy. I see the song as an initiate's plea, and the Goddess's invitation.
Tuesday, January 24th, 2017
12:09 am
why you won't go vegan.
People are animals. Through their limited set of biologically-determined perception mechanisms and unique experiences, every individual develops an interface for engaging reality specific to them. We can call this their program, or worldview, or operating system. I see the same look in a human as I do other animals, this desperate wanting to understand reality, but there's something in the way. As the individual reaches physical maturity, so the program matures and becomes rigid, making it resistant to change -- the program after all assisted the individual in reaching maturity. But upon maturity the program becomes an appendage and an obstacle for fully understanding reality and accepting new truths.

This is why children are impressionable and adults are not. In order to change the program, the individual must have an experience that causes them to doubt the program's integrity. For many it is a serious illness, their own or a loved one's. Documentaries such as Forks Over Knives, Cowspiracy, and Earthlings, and recorded speeches such as Gary Yourofsky's can bring about this experience, but the individual must be in a receptive state of mind. The program cannot assimilate new information without an open mind. If the experience is paradigm-shattering enough, the adult individual may temporarily return to an impressionable state.

People who are "intelligent" and have achieved success as defined by society are the most self-assured and thus least likely to have an open mind. True intelligence comes in knowing yourself, just how wrong you are capable of being, as the only way to improve yourself is in being prepared to admit when you are wrong. Are you prepared, or do you have it all figured out?

The real question is, how do we convey an experience to others that injects self-doubt into their program?
Tuesday, January 17th, 2017
11:59 pm
If I've learned anything in my time here in this body, it is this: We are all alone. Nothing is forever. The connections you make today may be broke or warped before you awake tomorrow. Everything is just perception, and the mental construct we develop from those perceptions. Everyone sees the world in their own way. This is why inner peace is so important, because it is the only real peace you can have. People will try to affect change outside themselves, to bring peace to others, but only because they want to raise the vibration without so that it is not sucking the vibration down within. Seeing peace beyond is the only want to fulfill peace within. As above, so below; as within, so without. If there is conflict without, it does not compute with the peace felt within.

I love you more than you love yourself. I've been doing this for over two years, consistent in my resolve, yet you still deny, still refuse to look into it yourself. I understand why, why most people will shut their minds off to it, I just hoped you were beyond that, understood the nature of truth. I've resigned myself to watch your health slowly decay, your body to slowly fall apart, your never having realized your true form. And I deserve this, by something(s) I did or failed to do. We manifest our own reality, and I take responsibility. This is mine.

I'm watching a 1999 Sunny Day Real Estate concert while I write this. I can never reach such heights, such mastery of music. I like to criticize them, lyrics specifically, but what have I accomplished? I'm just a critic, and critics are just manifestations of jealousy, people who lacked the courage to climb the mountain. Yet I still want to give music a good shot. Been struggling for weeks now to complete lyrics to a song I started back in 1998, fall. It's funny, I specifically remember working on it, the one night I slept over at the drummer's house of the one band I was in for a brief period the fall of my freshman year in college. Tim had shown me the chord progression that would become the verse, and that night before bed I tinkered with it, came up with a chorus, intro and outro D riffs, maybe the chorus lyrics that I've never been able to shake.

So much is in flux right now, it wouldn't surprise me if I woke up tomorrow and it was all taken away. Am I giving up? I don't know where I'm going, what my motivation is. I'm full of false starts these days. Part of me wants to stay up as late as it takes to come up with working lyrics to this song. I get this song done, I can jump on the four songs that still need lyrics for the album I've been wanting to put together for 10+ years. Once I have lyrics to all those songs, I can start playing at open mics, figure out recording. Is this some shit pipedream? Maybe. But I have to give it a shot, a shot it deserves. I owe it to an artform that has given me so much. Without music, I may not have ever learned the nature of truth, learned of the vast universes that exist in each of us. Music is a catalyst to higher consciousness.
Friday, January 13th, 2017
7:34 pm
reminder to myself.
Songwriting is your passion. This is a reminder, because you felt it strongly today. You know what to do, so you just need to get to work and realize your purpose. Finish your lyrics, record and share them online; maybe you'll find people and start a band, and get it right this time. Who knows, but you can just let that journey unfold. Just focus on what you need to do. The rest will follow as it is meant to.
Wednesday, January 11th, 2017
9:27 pm
I will probably be slowing down on journal entries, and placing more focus on getting shit done. This is not to say that I won't be posting at all are go back to not posting for months at a time, I'm just not going to hold myself up to the standard of journaling every day. I'm feeling that what I can learn about myself by sitting in front of the computer without preconceived thoughts and journaling has exhausted itself, at least for now.

I really want to concentrate on song lyrics. I need to put some songs to bed, and I'm a little scared that could take a whole year. I'm finding the longer I let a song go the harder it is to set lyrics to it. It is best to pound them out right away. I find through songwriting, especially the lyrics, I learn more about myself.
Monday, January 9th, 2017
10:36 pm
Hard to believe I skipped three whole days without journaling. Almost skipped today, too.

I haven't gotten much done the last few days, although I've felt somewhat busy. I would have journaled Saturday night but the church wifi was out, and I only had my phone with me. I wanted to finish unSpun before the book club meeting last night, so I plowed through it. I was at church Saturday night because there was an emergency "Room At The Inn" stay for some homeless men due to the snow and ice and cold weather, and they needed two men to stay the night, so I agreed to help.

Book club meeting was OK, but it was hard to get a word in most of the time, and I just feel like I'm in a different place. All the other guys, so they say, are bracing for the disaster of a Trump presidency whereas I'm kind of looking forward to it, especially to see how he handles Syria and pro-militarism in general. But at this point I'm an anti-capitalist anarchist; it's the only sensible stance to take. The monetary system is a silly game we play with each other, with real consequences. All basic necessities are in abundances and should be available to everyone at no charge. We should not fear technology replacing a human's job; we should applaud it. Current society is so ass-backwards, with it's head up said ass. We are divided and in conflict when we should be striving for global tribal unity.

It's after 10. I feel like if I go to be after 10 I'm guaranteed to sleep in until at least 8. I don't understand. Or maybe not exercising at all for an extended period of time is more taxing on the body than is understood and wears the body out in certain ways because it's not getting certain base mechanisms activated. Or something.

I need:
1. in bed by 10
2. exercise 1 hour, cardio (HIIT at least every other day) & calisthenics
3. 15 min w/ Beth
4. 15-30 min reading
5. 15-30 min journaling
6. whole plant foods

Can I make it happen?

- Have Grace type up science project
- Finish taking down Christmas decorations
- Make cookies

It's hard to set a schedule with so much variability.
Thursday, January 5th, 2017
11:08 pm
Well, I got everything done today that I had on my list, and also knocked out the couple of things from yesterday I did not get to. Didn't leave me any time to exercise or read, and I'm barely fitting this journal entry in.

Boone turns 6 tomorrow. I'm going to get my work in as soon as I drop the kids off at school and pick him up for a 12:45 movie (seeing Sing). It's supposed to get real cold this weekend and snow. Besides the movie and pizza for dinner, not much else planned, so I am hoping to get some reading in tomorrow evening. Saturday will be quiet too except that we need to knock out Grace's science project, which should only take a few hours. It will be nice for things to slow down finally. Don't think I've experienced it since early December.

Shit, I need to get cat food tomorrow. I'll have to grab it after work or the movie.
Wednesday, January 4th, 2017
10:37 pm
Everything went OK today. Ended up spending $150 total at the vet's. The cats had lost some weight, Roxy just a little, but Chaz is down to 6 lbs. It's amazing that he was at 18 lbs. at one point. Don't think food doesn't have a huge impact on health? He didn't start losing weight until I changed their food to a higher quality brand back in 2010. They recommended doing bloodwork since they are older and considering the weight loss might have a thyroid issue. I asked what happens if they found something, and they said that essentially they would be on medication for the rest of their life. Sounds fun. The cats don't need any more trauma in their lives, I've decided. They still act fine and youthful, so why fuck it up? The meds could have side effects and shorten their lives. I do want to try making them some special "treat" food--well Chaz anyway since Roxy doesn't ever seem to want to try anything new--and maybe that will get him a little more weight. Sometimes I think they are just tired of eating the same shit everyday. I would love to get Roxy on a more plant-based diet because I really think her life-long snot issues are food-allergy related.

As for the truck, the check engine light turned out to be misfiring and was cleared up with a tune up. $309. Could have been worse. Funny that I ended up spending more today than I thought but I feel better tonight than last. I guess the certainty of knowing what the cost is brings comfort and allows me to prepare. Just no more shit breaking down for a few months, OK? I got my exercise today in by jogging home and back to the shop. Feeling a little fatigued, physically and mentally, probably from the jogging and short-night's sleep last night.

Tomorrow's going to be busy, grocery shopping, work, and getting everything done for Boone's birthday tomorrow. Somehow I'll need to find time to read the remaining 120 pages of UnSpun before the book club meeting on Sunday. Hopefully we can get Grace's science project done on Saturday so that I can focus on reading Sunday afternoon. I'm too tired to read tonight. I need to get to bed.
Tuesday, January 3rd, 2017
11:04 pm
I'm unhappy. I'm pissed. Didn't journal yesterday and barely getting it in today, at the cost of sleep time. I just don't get it. I don't know what I can do better. I used to think of the lyrics from Velvet Underground's "I'm Beginning To See The Light" that say "Some people work very hard, but still they never get it right" with a bit of a smirk, but now I understand that I'm one of those people.

The A/C-heating unit for the upstairs has been acting funny the past couple of weeks, starting up then stalling after several seconds, then starting back up and stalling again. Finally had someone come out today, he said it was low on freon, which he said was unusual for newer units and to have them come out in the spring before it gets hot to check levels. If it's low then they'll need to do more extensive diagnostics to understand where it's going. Total charge today was $293. Freon for A/C is much more expensive than antifreeze, although he said he use to be much more expensive than it is now.

On top of that, I'm taking the cats in tomorrow for updated vaccinations, which I wouldn't waste my time doing because they're indoor cats and Roxy's running-away days are behind her. Not sure how much that will run but probably in $50-$100 range. And best yet, the check engine light turned on on the truck, so I get to find out what that's going to run. It's so convenient having a truck, but at this point I don't know if it will be worth it after we get a minivan, which is looking to be a certainty over the next month.

I'm beginning to think I'm never going to figure it out. I keep falling back into old routines and ruts. No exercise or reading today, no journaling yesterday. Even as I write this, I know I should not be focusing on the negative, but here I go. Life is hell, and there is no escape. I'm tired of wasting my time at a job that has no purpose, no meaning, for what? Some number of arbitrary units that I can exchange for the necessities of food and shelter and the things we do to escape this reality for a time.

(lyrics draft:
how have i become the worst creation i can own?
a dead intelligence the depths of which i can't be sure
and if i ever see myself as i am, will it show?
but if you have learned my name
we shall be one in the same
but if we should meet again
we'll see the end
an honest man begins his search for what is obvious
to many others, but to him there is no sign, no road
to twist himself down so he spends this sentry time alone)
Sunday, January 1st, 2017
12:10 pm
re: John Lennon's "Imagine"
In response to a friend's post on Facebook who felt the song was asking him to give up religion completely:

This is funny to me because a couple of weeks ago I heard his "Happy Christmas (War Is Over)" song, and it resonated with me this year more than any other, so much that I have since been listening to several interviews of his from the 1970s. It's funny to me because "Imagine" is as brutally honest a song about peace on earth, and what it will take to achieve peace on earth, as there is.

True peace is SCARY because it requires a person to take a hard look at himself and realize that he is part of the problem. To many, it makes more sense to kill the messenger of peace than to kill oneself (not physically but in a figurative sense) in order to obtain an internal peace, which would subsequently resonate beyond himself to those he affects. Heaven and hell do not exist as separate, posthumous locations but rather states of mind; heaven on earth is achievable if we want it and are willing to put the hard work in.

"Imagine" suggests shedding ourselves of all the things that divide us from one another and lead to wars: nationalities, possessions (i.e. the notion of personal ownership), and religions. The core teachings from which all religions originate are essentially the same (e.g. the Golden Rule), but as most people are not willing to do the hard work on themselves, they get trapped in the institutionalized doctrine that eventually builds up around and clouds these core teachings, which doctrine is of course unique to each religion and leads people to argue and fight about whose religion is "right". Our focus naturally gravitates to what separates us, not what unifies us. The word "religion" implies division, because everyone believes something unique, but Truth is universal.
Saturday, December 31st, 2016
11:59 am
As the approaching "new year" draws near, I'm stuck wondering where I'm going from here. What should I be doing, and where can I find the time to do it? Do I need 9 hours of sleep? If I went to bed at 9 could I get up at 5 and not need as much sleep; would changing when I go to sleep affect how much sleep I need? Do I have to fit in 1 hour of exercise a day or would 30 minutes be sufficient most days? Can I work exercise in as part of something else? Should I take a risk and quite my job, with no real plan for financial compensation as our savings dwindle, as the wave of two new young children and the need for a larger vehicle (i.e. minivan) approaches?

I wish to get more involved with vegan activism, but I need a group for that; I lack the courage to do anything on my own currently. I would like to go to save vigils and help document what is happening, and see it for my own eyes.

Chaz's personality has changed significantly in the past year, and in reading The Stellar Man I wonder how much that has to do with me and my changing vibration. He has become extraordinarily curious in our food, and acts much more kitten like. He spent most of Thursday attacking wind-blown leaves through the glass window. He is much less shy and spends much more time downstairs than he ever did the first few years we lived in this house. Roxy, on the other hand, has always been the same, although August of 2015 she did randomly decide to run away for a week. Since then I've been more lenient about letting her outside, and she no longer runs away because I don't treat her like she's doing something bad.

I hate to keep putting stuff off, but there are a few things I need to go do now.
1. Make donuts. I'm going to try the chocolate cake recipe from the Vegan Baking book and see how that goes.
2. Make marinara sauce.
3. Make pizza dough.
4. Take kids to party.
5. Come home, make pizzas for dinner.
6. Make wish list and plan for 2017.

(Draft lyrics for a song I'm trying to finish since 1999:
How have I become the worst recreation I have known?
A dead intelligence that's blinds me from what I have sold
And if I ever learn to speak I will return to gold

And if you have learned my name
we shall be one in the same
but if we should meet again
we'll see the end.
Friday, December 30th, 2016
9:10 am
the shadow of the imagination.
I'm in the middle or reading The Stellar Man by John Baines. It's fascinating to say the least, and I'm finding it hard to determine if in places he is being allegorical or literal. I would guess allegorical. One thing I read that I do not accept is that humans are the only animals with the "divine spark". As I see it, the same energy that animates man animates all animals. It's similar to a machine being powered on by electricity (which, from my recent understanding of electromagnetism, is really controlled magnetic discharge along a pathway): the same pure force powers all machines, but it is the construction of the machine itself that determines how that pure force manifests into a new form. Man is blessed with an exceptional imagination, one that formed through evolution as a base for tool-making, which is our biological advantage. This imagination brings with it a capacity to create unlike any other earthlife, but concordantly it bears the shadow of dreaminess which lulls us away from living in the present moment (for reasons explained in the book), from living in reality (which is the present moment). Unless we bring discipline and step out of the shadow of the imagination to maintain our presence in reality, we cannot manifest our creative force in reality. Other animals do not have this shadow to wrestle with and so forever live in the present moment. I don't think it's a coincidence that man has likened other animals to gods or made them of certain godlike attributes to aspire to. Other animals never stray from natural law.

It explains a lot, why most people refuse to accept the undeniable logic of veganism and apply to their lives, to listen to claims that the government manifests war for the sake of profit. An interesting thing is it mentioned that our mind and sex are at opposite poles to create our "orb" of discharge energy, and that the poles in men are reverse those in women (e.g. man's sex pole might be positive while women's negative). Again, this is fascinating given what I've learned about the flow of energy in a magnetic field, as when a man and woman's minds, or sex, are in alignment, this would lead to spacial voidance and acceleration of their minds/bodies together.

I'm a little frustrated that I didn't journal yesterday, but perhaps that's OK. I think I need to come to terms with that I might not be able to everyday and that maybe I need a recovery day as I would exercise my body, or that maybe I just need to take that break and focus on other things that need my time.

My goal today is to get my work in and then get the house in order, finally get all the Christmas toys upstairs. I'm starting to feel like I need to take at least three days off in order to get the house in order. Go through and reorganize the toys and closets, go through the books in storage and get rid of the ones of no value. I could easily spend an entire day just doing that. We need better storage situations in the closets.
Wednesday, December 28th, 2016
9:20 am
Yesterday was another somewhat lazy day. I ended up getting all my hours of work in early, then the kids had lunch and went to the park for a couple of hours. It was unusually warm; it looks like it will be about 10 degrees cooler today. I meant to journal at the end of it but I got wrapped up in reading The Stellar Man, which is already fascinating and I know is going to give me trouble with finishing the book for the men's book club. Fortunately that book feels like one I can power through without worry about missing much. Any book that discusses deception in advertising and media without digging into war propaganda like 9/11 and WW2 is pretty novice and may even be doing a disservice by distracting people from dealing with these hard-to-swallow truths.

Today I'm going to get a couple of hours of work in while eating breakfast, then we're going to work on getting the house in order, and if we have time maybe heading outside again. I wish to be more creative with ways to keep the kids occupied, but that's just something I will probably always be subaverage at.
Monday, December 26th, 2016
11:45 pm
beyond just being.
Whew, I haven't been this sick since I went vegan. The aches I had begun to experience Thursday and Friday manifested as a head cold/flu on Christmas Eve, and by the afternoon I was feeling shit, worn down with a headache. Somehow I powered through everything, including Eve service and the prelude song, and getting the downstairs ready for Christmas morning and the keyboard fully set up. Christmas started out OK--I took some Ibuprofen and that knocked out my headache until around 6pm. That fucking lasagna was too much work. Went to bed at 9 and got about 10 hours of sleep, woke up feeling a bit better. I remember I woke up in the middle of the night briefly with a piercing headache, but when I woke up this morning it was gone. Maybe it was a dream.

Today was relaxing: no work, and played with Grace and Boone and their new toys most of the day, very little cleaning up or anything really. Didn't even unload the dishwasher, and just ate leftovers. I at least got Grace to her Tae Kwon Do class.

Tomorrow needs to be productive in some way. I hate being off my routine. Feeling down after not having exercised in over a week--beaten and enslaved. Not sure where I'm going from here or what is worth my time.

I think people fear the truth because there is no meaning to it; things just are and what we choose to do or not do seems inconsequential over the longview. If we manage to go extinct, from our own doing or another, other life will replace us. And the earth won't be around forever. Eventually other life-bearing planets will emerge; life is an eventuality when the conditions are right. This could take trillions of years, but that would just be a blink of an eye, as time only exists in perception. With the approaching new year (or as we begin this new cycle of the sun ascension) I'm left wondering what my purpose here is, and whether there is even a point to seeking a purpose, as we are the only animals that see a need for an arbitrary purpose beyond just being.
Friday, December 23rd, 2016
10:58 pm
I got everything done today I wanted to. Cleaned out the catbox just now, got grocery shopping done and my work in before the kids got home, got downstairs clean, and took the kids out to drive around various neighborhoods to see Christmas lights, and as usual they fell asleep on the way home. Next year I'll need to remember for everyone to bring shoes and jackets, because one of the houses we looked at had a whole light village of sorts in their backyard, so to fully experience it you had to get out and walk about.

I'm still feeling run down, a little more achey than yesterday, with that sort of delirious feeling, like my equilibrium is slightly off. Slight itch to throat. If this is as bad as it gets though, all is good.

Tomorrow will be another busy one. Really should get up early, but I need the sleep. We'll see what I can get done. The morning will be all baking/cooking (lasagna, cinnamon rolls, various salad dressings, maybe buckeyes. Breakfast and lunch in there, children's service at 1:00 followed by trip to Ryan and Shelley's for their Eve party, and then back home for dinner and Eve mass, then get the kids to bed, back to church to perform a song at the 9:30 prelude for the later service, then back home to get gifts under the tree and set up the keyboard and stand. Hopefully in bed by 11.

Wish me luck, because all this running around and hoopla is getting old. Perhaps learning what I have about Jesus and Christianity this past year, and capitalism, has zapped a lot of the magic out of the season. The house we passed with "TRUMP" in Christmas lights was a nice touch.

Several days ago I recalled John Lennon's Christmas song, and it immediately resonated with me and where my understanding currently is, so I've been listening to interviews of him from around that time and after. He was woke, and his War Is Over marketing campaign was genius ... perhaps. Little has changed since then, hasn't it?
Thursday, December 22nd, 2016
7:18 pm
wrinkle-faced, balding teenagers.
Not posting until 7pm today. What's happening this week can't happen again. I haven't exercised for several days nor read. I keep thinking, well, this is a special time, special holiday, so this comes first. But no, taking care of myself needs to come first.

I did put off going to the grocery store until tomorrow. I woke up today feeling a little under the weather. I think having spent 2+ hours at the kids' school yesterday led to a giant assault on my immune system. I need to get a large chunk of the gift wrapping done tonight, but the only other time I will have will be after the kids go to bed tomorrow night. The kids are staying over at the grandparents tonight. I also need to get a grocery list together because I want to be out of the house by 8am tomorrow, that way I can be done working by the time the kids are home tomorrow, around 3pm.

It seems like the people that are overweight and/or complaining about persistent health problems are also the ones that get the most defensive when you suggest cutting animal products out of their diet. What you think you know clearly isn't working for you! Grow the fuck up and realize you don't know everything. We live in a world of wrinkle-faced, balding teenagers.
Wednesday, December 21st, 2016
6:49 pm
Car rider line, check. Time to work on pizzas, get work in, get baskets assembled and to teachers, and join kids for their winter parties. I need Marlene's address so that we can drop hers off today. And at some point this evening we will rehearse the Christmas song, I guess. I'm looking forward to being able to sleep in a little tomorrow, although we will need to get an early start, as the kids and I will need to make our Target run, and then I'll have grocery shopping, although it may be worth pushing that to Friday since the kids will still be with Beth's parents until after lunch that day, although that would mean I would be working that afternoon after the kids are home.
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